Tales of the Parodyverse

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CrazySugarFreakBoy! hopes to get some more folks posting on this board ...
Thu Jan 20, 2005 at 10:31:57 pm EST
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Lair Legion/Avengers: The Round Robin Pitch, Part One
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Lair Legion/Avengers: The Round Robin Pitch, Part One

“So, let’s make sure we all understand this, then,” Sir Mumphrey Wilton summarized skeptically, from his seat at the team meeting table in the Lair Legion Mansion. “You and your compatriots are the superheroes who are primarily responsible for protecting the world on which you live, but some cosmic conflagration caused you to come into conflict with … well, with a collection of costumed crime-fighting chaps who sound as though they were your counterparts from another universe, and after clearing up some mutual misunderstandings and working out your differences in a fashion that’s rather standard for your shared profession, you joined forces to smite the ungodly and save your respective realities, only instead of returning to your home, you found yourselves transported here. Do I have the gist of it?”

“As absurd as it sounds, that’s the truth of it,” Captain America sighed, as he and his fellow Avengers, along with a few other assorted superheroes and civilians from the Marvel Universe, sat and stood on one side of the meeting table, while the members and support staff of the Lair Legion regarded them from their seated and standing positions on the opposite end of the room. “In fact, it wasn’t all that long ago that some of the members of your team stopped by for a short stay in our own reality. I’m sorry to say that I don’t recall meeting you during that time, but I do remember Ms. Waltz being a rather … friendly and gracious guest of our home, as well as Mr. Jarvis. Is he still with your organization, or … ?”

“Jarvis is gone,” Lisa L. Waltz, first lady of the Lair Legion, offered in an emotionally flat tone, as Steve Rogers registered the meaning of her simple statement and frowned with regret, before she continued on quickly. “Sir Mumphrey, what Cappy is saying is true. Before we’d even met you, the Lair Legion wound up getting zapped into the Avengers’ universe, as an unintended side effect of one of the Hooded Hood’s plots to take over everything in existence, blah de blah, you know the drill. I met most of the folks who are here now from his world, and they all seemed okay, albeit a little bit strange.” Cap cocked an eyebrow and smirked slightly, but refrained from comment as Lisa went on. “I mean, I might not have said hi to, say, that red-and-blue spider-guy luchador over in the corner, but if Cap’s willing to vouch for him, then I’d say it’s a safe bet that he’s good people, too.”

“Hey!” Spider-Man objected testily. “I’m a superhero, dammit! I was even an Avenger for a while, too!”

“And I’m just an ordinary bystander who somehow got swept up into all of this strangeness, even though I don’t know anyone here,” Mary Jane Watson-Parker followed up as an almost reflexive reaction. “Really.”

“And as glad as I am that we’ve all managed to establish who’s who and what’s what without resorting to the traditional time-wasting fist-fight, I don’t suppose anyone here has given any thought to the rather pressing matter of how we might manage to get ourselves back home?” Iron Man interjected briskly. “I think I’m beginning to understand the frustration that Mr. Bautista must have felt, when he and his friends had their unscheduled visit to our universe, since my suit’s instrumentation seems to be going absolutely haywire in this place. It’s almost as though the rules of your reality are fundamentally different from our own.”

“Well, to a large extent, you’re not far off, but that’s an entirely separate discussion altogether,” Al B. Harper pointed out eagerly, as he monitored the readouts on a scientific device that he appeared to have assembled on the spot. “Getting back to your question, from what I’ve been able to ascertain, based upon your own accounts of your recent adventures, as well as my admittedly less-than-complete series of scans of your harmonic wavelengths, I suspect that you all found yourselves shunted onto our plane of existence as a direct result of the improbability factor of everything that you’ve experienced since your universe started mixing and merging with that of your alternate reality counterparts, since the Parodyverse is, by definition, the place where improbable occurrences are, statistically speaking, the most likely to occur. My best estimation is that, within the next one to three days, your vibrational rates should settle down enough to restore you all to your own parallel Earth.”

“Um, well, not to question your credentials, but even if what you’re saying is true, I’d prefer not to just sit back and wait, in hopes that everything will work out for the best,” Tony Stark equivocated uncomfortably.

“If Dr. Harper’s willing, I’d be more than happy to help him map out a ‘Plan B,’ just in case our return trip doesn’t spontaneously happen on its own,” Hank Pym shrugged affably, before withdrawing a pocket computer of his own and typing in a string of calculations. “No disrespect to your skills, Al, but as you’re probably well aware by now, whether you’re a scientist or a superhero, it’s always in your best interests to prepare for the worst-case scenario.”

“In the meantime, just as you Avengers were good enough to look after our chaps while they were stranded in your reality, I must insist that you all avail yourselves of our courtesy and consider yourselves duly invited guests of the Lair Legion for the duration of your stay here in the Parodyverse, however long that may well be,” Sir Mumphrey Wilton pronounced proudly, rising from the table to extend his arm to Captain America, who likewise smiled, came to his feet, gripped the proffered hand and shook it warmly.

“Huzzah!” CrazySugarFreakBoy! exclaimed ecstatically. “Superhero team-ups for everyone!”
__________

So, what the hell is this?

It’s our latest Round Robin story, God willing.

The premise is simple.

After the events of the excellent JLA/Avengers miniseries by Kurt Busiek and George Perez, the JLA and the Avengers said goodbye to each other and parted ways, presumably to go back to their own parallel Earths, but who’s to say that one of those two teams didn’t wind up taking a side trip on the way to their own universe?

The lineup of Avengers who happen to be visiting the Parodyverse is the same as the team that got involved in the events of the JLA/Avengers crossover – Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, Wasp, Hank Pym, Hawkeye, Vision, Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, Warbird, She-Hulk, Triathlon and Jack of Hearts – plus whatever characters from the rest of the Marvel Universe certain posters might want to write about their own characters meeting – Spider-Man and Mary Jane meeting CrazySugarFreakBoy! and April Apple, for example – and the in-story excuse that justifies those characters being in the Parodyverse is deliberately set up so that, at least to start with, the Round Robin can be written to a conclusion at any time.

Posters are free to choose whatever match-ups they might want, but here’s how I see some of the chapters proceeding, if only because of the similarities between the characters:

Captain America + Sir Mumphrey Wilton and/or Mr. Epitome
Iron Man + Hatman and/or NTU-150
Thor + Manga Shoggoth and/or Donar
Wasp + Yo and/or Dancer
Hank Pym + Al B. Harper and/or Librarian
Hawkeye + Trickshot
Vision + Visionary and/or Librarian
Scarlet Witch + Dancer and/or Sorceress
Quicksilver and/or Triathlon + De Brown Streak
Warbird and/or She-Hulk + Lisa
Jack of Hearts + Nats and/or Goldeneyed
Spider-Man and Mary Jane + CrazySugarFreakBoy! and April Apple
Daredevil + Nitz the Bloody and/or Messenger

If we do this deal right, then after this brief introductory chapter by me, everyone else should be able to write no more than one chapter apiece – or, alternately, to write as many chapters as they might want, as in our “Follies of Youth” Round Robin – and then, once everybody’s said as much as they all want to say, I can just type up an equally brief concluding chapter, and boom, we’ll be done, no more obligations, no lingering threads, no strings attached.

So, who’s up for this thing, then?

Oh, and for those of you who are wondering when the Lair Legion and the Avengers first met up in Parodyverse continuity, check out Untold Tales of the Lair Legion #14: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.




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